This page is dedicated to the funniest and most original person I have ever seen on the net. His name is Vanilla Ice Stole My Gum. He posted on a Vanilla Ice board to annoy fans of the bitch. His posts are hilarious and actually weave a rich tapestry of a storyline. They lasted from the beginning of 1998 to December of 99. I don't know what happened to him. The posts start simple, under the name Anonymous, but gradually get better and better. For those of you who realize his genius, enjoy! - Riggs Da Mack
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Vanilla Ice Stole My Gum
Vanilla Ice Stole My Gum
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Vanilla Ice Stole My Gum
I want to bite Vanilla Ice.
Vanilla Ice stole all of my gum. I want to eat his puppy.
Sometimes my toothbrush talks to me. Raisins! Raisins!!!
My radio station had a copy of Mind Blowin'. I broke it
against the wall. Vanilla Ice is yuppie-spawned
gangsta-wannabe scum. But of course, that's just my
opinion. I probably wouldn't be so harsh if he hadn't
stolen all my gum!! THE VANILLA ICE STORY:
Vanilla Ice used to be a waitress, then he was a goldfish
vendor, then he was a bag of peanut shells, and now he's
a big scary mutant poodle with a dead weasal in his
mouth sitting on a lima bean. THE END
The rumor I heard is that he's got a new band called
"Picking Scabs." He should call it "stealing gum" cuz that's
what he does. He stole MY gum!!!! I want my gum
back!!!!!
Hehe...look! It's Vanilla Ice! He wasn't a waiter, he was
a WAITRESS. Read it better! And he STOLE MY
GUM because I had gum and now I don't so I know he
must have stolen it. If I had a ski pole and Vanilla Ice
was here, I would hit him with the ski pole. ***
VANILLA ICE AND MICHAEL BOLTON ARE THE
SAME PERSON ***
No no no, you misunderstood. Vanilla Ice is the real
mother of Carlos Leon's baby, and together they stole
Madonna's gum. When Madonna found out she decided
to make herself look like Sheryl Crow. Then Vanilla Ice
knitted some little pink socks and I ate them and he
cried.
Hmm...Vanilla Ice's last CD had the word "Blowin'" in
the title and the new one has the word "Swallow" in the
title. I think he's trying to tell us something about himself.
Maybe he used to be one of Clinton's interns! He was
also a waitress. Oh, and he stole my gum. MY GUM!!! I
miss my gum. I used to chew it and stuff. Want to see a
picture of my gum? Well, I don't have one. **VANILLA
ICE AND BARNEY THE DINOSAUR ARE THE SAME PERSON!!**
Go Ninja Go Ninja Go. Vanilla Ice wishes he was a
ninja, but he's really just a waitress. He did that song as
community service because he got arrested for stealing
gum. They didn't catch him with MY gum, though...so I
didn't get it back. Have you seen my gum? Maybe he will
tour Australia...and maybe he'll bring some pictures of his
butt with him and give them away while saying "Yo yo
yo, look, it's my butt." THE VANILLA ICE STORY,
PART TWO: Once upon a time, Vanilla Ice was walking
through a field, but it wasn't a minefield so he didn't die,
and everybody was sad. THE END. **VANILLA ICE
AND BARBRA STREISSAND ARE THE SAME
PERSON!**
Vanilla Ice - trend whore supreme. "This is the real me."
Yeah, right. The real Vanilla Ice is a yuppie-spawned
prep school bastard who STEALS PEOPLE'S GUM!!!
**VANILLA ICE AND RU PAUL ARE THE SAME
PERSON!!**
It might be my gum...what does it look like? HEY
OTHER ANONYMOUS PERSON! What's this crap
about "making your paper" being what it's all about? If
that's what it's all about to you, you're sure as hell not a
musician. Incidently, Vanilla's not the first white
rapper...just the first one you've heard of. And he sucks.
And he's a waitress. And he stole my gum.
***VANILLA ICE AND MARTHA STEWART ARE
THE SAME PERSON!!***
What if you're not a Vanilla Ice fan? What if you're just a
guy who's pissed at Vanilla Ice for making lousy music
and STEALING MY GUM!?!?!? Can I still join your
club? Oh, speaking of gum...my gum didn't have brown
doody pieces in it...so that must not have been mine.
Thanks, though. Poison and Cinderella are both better
than Vanilla Ice, and they were never waitresses. Beastie
Boys were old-school hardcore and switched to rap for
some reason I don't understand. The first white rapper
was named "Gunga," and his rap (imagine some rocks
being smacked against each other in the background...)
went something like this: "Unga mmg mmg grrrraaaa
Oonga Gunga!! Unga Gunga!! Oo oo. ug naaag.
Gunga!!" Notice he even mentions his name in there! He
likes to talk about himself just like Vanilla! And there's
even some evidence to support the theory that "mmg
mmg grrraaaa" means "Go white boy go," although most
researchers believe it translates to "Mammoths suck."
***VANILLA ICE AND DEBBIE GIBSON ARE
THE SAME PERSON!***
PO-EM: Vanilla Ice , Vanilla Ice...He likes poodles, he
likes rice...He's from da streets, hard as they come...that
lying preppie STOLE MY GUM! I think Vanilla should
write a new autobiography, and this time it shouldn't be
fictional like the last one. It should be called "I Suck. Oh,
How I Suck" and he should include a free piece of gum
with every book to make up for the gum he stole from
me. **VANILLA ICE AND DIONNE WARWICK
ARE THE SAME PERSON!!**
He was only on ONE TRACK on the Bloodhound
Gang's last CD, person-man!! A warning to all you
waitress-followers that worship Vanilla Ice...you will end
up gumless. And gumlessness is incurable unless you get
more gum...which costs money, which Vanilla Ice has
plenty of, so he doesn't need yours, so don't buy his CD.
***VANILLA ICE AND DONKEY KONG ARE
THE SAME PERSON!!!***
Oh yeah? Well you wouldn't think it was funny if it was
YOUR GUM he stole!! I felt so violated...I had to chew
on aluminum foil until I could afford a new piece of gum.
And the aluminum foil got stuck in my teeth and
everybody thought I had braces. I'd like to write a letter
to Vanilla Ice. It would say "Dear Waitress-boy, You
suck and nobody likes you. Give me back my damned
gum or I'll wipe a booger on your cat. Love, Me." And it
would have postage due. But I can't mail the letter
because I can't lick the stamp cuz my tongue's all cut up
from chewing on aluminum foil. **VANILLA ICE AND
THE COP FROM THE VILLAGE PEOPLE ARE THE
SAME PERSON!!!***
Silly DJ Zero and Emir! That's not how you chew gum!!
It goes in your MOUTH! (Well, not NOW...since it's
been in your ass...) BTW, what's a playa hates? Vanilla
Ice should host the Price is Right, only it should be called
"The Vanilla Ice Sucks Show," and he should wear his
waitress outfit, and instead of playing pricing games,
people should just boo Ice and throw dead gerbils at
him. Critical Stop - You may be right about Vanilla Ice
being Luke Perry, but ***VANILLA ICE AND
LIONEL RICHIE ARE THE SAME PERSON!!***
ICEMAM? Oookay... Puff Daddy DOES want to play
the scarecrow in "The Wiz." Vanilla wants to play Glinda
the good witch, and he's been making alterations to his
waitress outfit for the part. Vanilla iz kicking azz? Who's
azz could Vanilla pozzibly kick? Gary Coleman could
kick Vanilla'z azz. Woody Allan could kick Vanilla'z azz.
Hell, the freakin' Teletubbiez could probably kick
Vanilla'z azz. As for me, I don't give a zhit who kickz
Vanilla'z azz...I juzt want my gum back. ***VANILLA
ICE AND GILBERT GODFRIED ARE THE ZAME
PERZON!!!***
My gum was fat and crunchy once...of course, it wasn't
as crunchy after I chewed on it for a while. It's probably
still fat, wherever it is now. Vanilla's not ripping Primus
off, he was just sending them a message by using part of
their song. The message is, of course "Beware, Les
Claypool!! I am going to steal your gum!!" Vanilla used
to be a roadie for Winger and Cinderella, which is why
he can take stuff from them. He used to clean up their
vomit and sperm (sometimes they were mixed together.)
He was also a waitress. Vanilla Ice's new album was
actually written by Chelsea Clinton and her band of
crippled elves. Read your liner notes. ***VANILLA
ICE AND VANILLA ICE ARE THE SAME
PERSON!!!***
Vanilla Ice is not only Vanilla Ice, but he is also Rob Van
Winkle, and sometimes he makes people call him
"Kimberly" and spank him with a power rangers action
figure. Some day I will bite Vanilla Ice for stealing my
gum. Or maybe I will forego biting him and just poop in
his dishwasher. "Dishwasher" in Germin is
"Spülmaschine." I have a toothbrush, but Vanilla Ice
didn't steal that. It talks to me. You called me Gum
Dude. That's okay.
HI VANILLA ICE!!! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!!
Wait a minute...no I'm not!! I'm the bitter guy who wants
his gum back!! THIEF THIEF!! Vanilla Ice is on the top
20 hardcore charts because he's been kidnapping
chart-people's gum and saying he'll only give it back if he
makes it onto the charts. Don't fall for it,
chart-people...you'll never get your gum back. Just like
I've never gotten my gum back. I think he may have used
my gum as a catbox freshener. As for Vanilla's new CD
being "good," it can't be. But if it's better than his
previous stuff, it's not because of him. You see, Vanilla
Ice is a waitress, and on his butt he has a tattoo of
Jessica Tandy's left breast. The album, as I stated earlier,
was written by Chelsea Clinton and her band of crippled
elves. How were the elves crippled, you ask? Well, I
don't know, but I suspect they didn't like it.
***VANILLA ICE AND BEA ARTHUR ARE THE
SAME PERSON!!!***
Hi, Vanilla Ice's brother! Did you take over for Vanilla
Ice after he quit his waitressing job? If so, do you happen
to know where he put my gum? I want it back. If Vanilla
Ice had different flavors he'd have to put out other
albums under names like "Chocolate Ice" or "Strawberry
Ice" or "Pork Ice" or "Parmesan Cheese Ice" which
would be yucky. If you play "To The Extreme"
backwards it says "Yo yo yo I'm da gum steala." If snow
had different flavors he could be "Yellow Snow."
Snowette - You're wrong...Snow sucks lint from
Roseanne Barr's butt. He thinks he's jamaican but he's
really from Cleveland and he lives under a trampoline and
raises hamsters. ***VANILLA ICE AND PARAPPA
THE RAPPER ARE THE SAME PERSON***
Yo V.I.P. spells "vip." Aaron Arthur...heh...you're like, in
da house and in effect and stuff. Hehe. Cool as Ice sucks
because Vanilla Ice is in it and he pretends to be cool.
The movie used to be called "Please Take My Rectal
Temperature" and Vanilla Ice wore his waitress outfit in
the original version and played covers of John Denver
songs on his accordian and rode across the country in his
magic canoe stealing gum from the poor to give the rich
something to chew on. I like puppies, I don't eat cheetos,
and I want to blow my nose in Vanilla Ice's hair. If I
made "Vanilla Ice Stole My Gum" bumper stickers,
would you buy them? ***VANILLA ICE AND
BOBBY BROWN ARE THE SAME PERSON***
"Dumb" rhymes with "Gum," which is what Vanilla Ice
stole from me. Without gum, all I have to chew on are
paper clips, ziploc bags, and condoms. "Gettin' Jiggy
With It" is a stupid stupid stupid thing to say. Why not
just say "Masturbate?" ANOTHER VANILLA ICE
STORY: One day Vanilla Ice walked by a three-legged
dog named Booger. "Hi, Doggy!" said Vanilla Ice. "Hi
Vanilla Ice," said the dog. "Hey!" said Vanilla, "Dogs
can't talk!" "And white boys can't rap," the dog
answered. They both started crying. The moral of the
story: Vanilla Ice has a greasy greasy greasy greasy head
and he used to be a waitress. THE END ***VANILLA
ICE AND MONICA LEWINSKY ARE THE SAME
PERSON!!!***
THE VANILLA ICE AND SNOW STORY: Vanilla
Ice and Snow grew up together in da hood (prep
school,) and Vanilla Ice stole Snow's favorite Cabbage
Patch Kid, so Snow turned to evil and Vanilla turned to
evil. Soon afterwards, Vanilla Ice became a waitress, and
Snow started living under a trampoline and raising
hamsters. He taught them to do tricks like puke on each
other and have sex with batteries. Then Vanilla Ice stole
my gum, and I was sad. Then Vanilla Ice made an album,
and everyone was sad. Then Snow made an album, and
everybody screamed in agony and the world exploded.
THE END. ***VANILLA ICE AND TED KOPPEL
ARE THE SAME PERSON***
Punk Ass shirtlifter. Hehehe...I like that. But you should
have mentioned that he used to be a waitress and he stole
my gum. You're James T. Smith and that may be
okay...but Snow isn't very good. In fact, he's downright
lousy. Vanilla Ice and Snow both suck, but at least Snow
went away. He's not trying to make another album, is he?
I'd hate that. I'd cry and throw pudding at my friends.
***VANILLA ICE AND MRS. BUTTERWORTH
ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!***
Hi, Anonymous 208.250.77.127!! Vanilla Ice stole your
gum too?!? Wow, we have something in common! My
Hanson board posts are usually deleted but the gerbil
one's still there for some reason. I guess Hanson likes
gerbils. Probably the same way Richard Gere likes
gerbils. Vanilla Ice doesn't like gerbils...he prefers gum,
because gum can't bite you or pee on your National
Geographic magazines. But he didn't have any gum. So
he stole mine. I don't know if he chewed it, sold it, or
used it for intimate cleansing purposes...but I miss it. I
wrote a poem about my gum. It's called "I Miss My
Damned Gum And My Butt Itches." It's also about the
fact that my butt itches. ***VANILLA ICE AND PEE
WEE HERMAN ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!***
Vanilla Ice has a new album out and Snow is coming out
with a new album. I'm afraid the end must be near. Hide
your gum, and don't buy any hamsters that look like they
might have been raised under a trampoline. Vanilla's from
da streets...but he rode down da streets in his daddy's
BMW. He should rap about that. "Yo yo yo, I'm
yuppie-spawned scum, I'm in yo face, I'll steal yo gum."
"To The Extreme" is the best-selling rap album of all time
because Empty V told people to buy it and people don't
like questioning the will of the almighty M. Vanilla Ice
stole his hair from a giant Ken doll. ***VANILLA ICE
AND WILLIAM SHATNER ARE THE SAME
PERSON!!!***
So anyway, the other day I was taking Connie Chung's
rectal temperature when suddenly I realized that there
were fish falling from the sky. So I said "Dammit!" And
then Connie said "Hey! That's not a thermometer! That's
a carrot!" And I said "Hey, do I tell YOU how to do
YOUR job?" And she apologized and went back to
licking my encyclopedias. So anyway, what I'm trying to
say is this: Vanilla Ice stole my gum, and I want it back,
and he used to be a waitress, and look how greasy his
head is! If Snow's really coming out with a new album,
then I shall keep my promise to cry and throw pudding at
my friends (see previous post.) I keep my
promises...Vanilla Ice doesn't. He steals gum instead.
***VANILLA ICE AND VANITY SMURF ARE
THE SAME PERSON!!!*** I like mustard.
Hi Melissa!! I see you want me to be your friend. Well,
I'm afraid I can't be your friend. So would you like to be
my laundry detergent? Vanilla Ice stole my gum, you
know...and he used to be a waitress! ***VANILLA
ICE AND THE DRUMMER FROM HANSON ARE
THE SAME PERSON!!!***
Wow!! That's freaky!! If Vanilla Ice joined Milli Vanilli,
then one of the members of Milli Vanilli would have a
greasy greasy greasy head...guess which one!!! If he
joined the Spice girls he could be "Vanilla Spice." I don't
know if he'd give me my gum back, though...after all, he
used to be a waitress. I was listening to Milli Vanilli one
day, and then suddenly...wait...no, I'm wrong. I wasn't
listening to Milli Vanilli one day. I don't listen to Milli
Vanilli. I don't listen to Vanilla Ice either. I listen to the
sound that eggs make when you step on them. I have an
entire CD of this sound being repeated over and over
and over for 68 minutes and 37 seconds!! If you'd like a
copy of this CD, then you'd like a copy of this CD. I
want to dress Vanilla Ice up like a Raggedy Ann doll,
smack him repeatedly with a plastic flamingo, and make
him call me admiral ***VANILLA ICE AND GARTH
BROOKS ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!***
My message got cut off by communist mutant Hanson
clones. What I said was: I want to dress Vanilla Ice up
like a Raggedy Ann doll, smack him repeatedly with a
plastic flamingo, and make him call me Admiral. Brandon
M and his counterpart, Vanilla-underscore-Ice, forgot to
mention one important thing: Vanilla Ice used to be a
waitress. It isn't recommended that you scrue the Spice
Girls, Vanilla...they have strange diseases that I can't
pronounce and they'll make your greasy little weenie
shrivel up and fall off. ***VANILLA ICE AND
COOKIE MONSTER ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!***
Brandon M. - THanks for having a sense of humor. T'is a
funny page, but why don't ya add a shout-out to me
somewhere on there since I came up with a lot of that
stuff? After all, it was MY gum that Vanilla Ice stole.
Who kicked your beanie baby, Aaron Arthur? You're a
silly silly silly little follower of the greasy greasy
greasy-headed one and what you don't realize is that
there's no way you're going to come out of this with your
gum, you poor lost soul. ***VANILLA ICE AND DJ
JAZZY JEFF ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!***
Anonymous - You're wrong. The new CD isn't good. It
was written by Chelsea Clinton and her band of garden
gnomes, and they wrote it while they were constipated. I
haven't heard it yet, but I know Vanilla Ice...I know him
well. He's a gum thief. A GUM THIEF!! And apparently
he stole this other guy's day and time too. I think we
should start up a posse and go round up all the gum
thieves in the world, put them in a blender, and reduce
them all to a thick greasy spray. ***VANILLA ICE
AND GARFIELD ARE THE SAME PERSON!!***
To Anonymous 169: Thank you ever so much! I haven't
gotten a death threat on here yet, this is my first!! I'm
going to mail you a care bear and some dental floss and
give you a big wet puppy with a stiffy. Vanilla Ice never
had a puppy...but he had a hamster once. He stole it
from Snow. It was trained to have sex with batteries.
Next thing you know, Vanilla's batteries were all sticky
and his CD player wouldn't work and he couldn't listen to
his Hanson Christmas Album any more, so he cried
greasy greasy greasy tears all over his waitress outfit and
took a dump in MC Hammer's dishwasher. If my name
was Rob Van Winkle, I'd change it to "Antonio
Bendaras" or "Soup Trot," not "Vanilla Ice."
***VANILLA ICE AND MISTER ED ARE THE
SAME PERSON!!!***
You can get a copy of "Mind Blowin'" by playing "To
The Extreme" backwards. Hi, Rude One! I sense some
anger...was your gum stolen too? If so, I suggest you
immediately come over to my place and clean my toilet,
cuz its dirty and I don't want to take care of it myself.
You can also do my dishes if you want, but not in the
toilet...I don't care how clean it is. Vanilla Ice reminds me
of my Mom cuz my Mom has no musical talent and she's
got a lot of gum. I'm not sure if she stole it or not,
though...she may have acquired it from the bottom of
school desks or something. I'd like some gum. Vanilla Ice
used to be a waitress. I bet he likes bread cuz bread is
good. Mmm...bread. ***VANILLA ICE AND
DWIGHT YOAKAM ARE THE SAME
PERSON!!!***
Oh, Vanilla_Ice! You're so silly, threatening to pop caps
in our asses! Hand over the super soaker, Nilla wafer,
you're not fooling anybody. I heard the new "Ice Ice
Baby" thingy on the radio the other day, and it made me
laugh so hard I spit store-brand Dr. Pepper all over my
steering wheel and now my hands stick to it whenever I
try to drive. So the way I see it, Vanilla, you owe me a
new steering wheel and some soap to clean the soda off
my hands with. C'mon, guys, there's something very very
amusing about the song "Ice Ice Baby" being growled
over a Korn-esque background. :) When I see the cover
of "To The Extreme" I wonder if his mother used to dress
him. I think he shoulda called himself "M.C. Yup-E."
Also, he used to be a waitress, and he stole my gum.
***VANILLA ICE AND JONI MITCHELL ARE
THE SAME PERSON!!!***
I guess you're right...we should respect Vanilla Ice for
selling out and then changing his style when the flavor of
the month changes. That's certainly perfectly
respectable...no need to be original or anything. But we
shouldn't respect him for STEALING MY GUM, should
we? SHOULD WE?!?!? He owes me my gum and a
steering wheel, and he used to be a waitress. And look!
He has a greasy greasy greasy head!! I think I may have
mentioned these things before. If only you'd all listened,
maybe now we'd be safe. But as it is, we're all in danger
of being eaten by robotic field mice. ***VANILLA ICE
AND ELMER FUDD ARE THE SAME
PERSON!!!***
Yo, V.I.P spells vip! Lice Lice Baby. Lice Lice Baby.
Hair looks dumb. So greased that it glistens. Looks like
something you'd like to piss in. Insects. Bite so hard they
nail'ya. I got more lice than dog genitalia. Will they ever
stop, yo, I don't know. Turn on the lights, and I'll
show...you a scene that head & shoulders can't fix, now.
Making their poop, I think I'm gonna get sick now. Ants!
They're sure to be my doom. Deadlier to me than a cloud
shaped like a mushroom. Sickening. The bugs that are
crawlin' through me. Now Roseanne Barr wouldn't even
do me. Hate it, I hate it, I'm dead afraid. Who knows
how many eggs they've laid? If you've got a problem,
don't look at me. I've got my own problem, can't you see
all these Lice Lice Baby. Lice Lice Baby.
I feel it necessary to mention something at this
point...Vanilla Ice stole my gum. This has been true for a
while, specifically ever since it actually happened (which
it may not have, really. I don't know. I used to spin
around in my chair a lot, which isn't really too healthy for
your brain.) But anyway, I had gum...and then I didn't.
This certainly points to it being stolen by Vanilla Ice,
doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?!?!? I haven't posted here for a
while, but now I have again. This makes me happy.
When I'm happy, I try to squirt toothpaste down my
wife's shirt. I can't help it, I must give in to the minty
temptation. (SQUIRT!) VANILLA ICE AND RICKY
MARTIN ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!
Well, I can't speak for some people, but I come here to
complain. Yes, complain. And why? Because of three
things. What are those three things? I don't know. But he
definitely stole my gum, and it's important to keep in mind
that before Mr. Van Winkle was the milky white rap
superstar you know and love, he was a waitress. I agree
with you that he could kick Kid Rock's ass, because he
could distract him with his greasy greasy head and smack
him with a flamingo. I don't know where he'd get the
flamingo, though. Kid Rock never stole my gum, but he
-DID- build a naked statue out of my mother with
mashed potatoes once and put pictures of it on the web,
so I'll probably never forgive him for that. ***VANILLA
ICE AND JANET JACKSON ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!***
Vanilla Ice would be hard to swallow cuz he's big. You'd
have to bite off little pieces of him...THOSE would be
easy to swallow. Except they would probably taste
greasy. Kid Rock doesn't claim to be hard to swallow,
but he thinks he's the devil, and he isn't cuz Lawrence
Welk is. Korn is a silly band who puts their "R"
backwards because they like to hang out at Toys 'R' Us
and try on barbie clothes. But none of this is important.
What -IS- important is that Kid Rock (who, as I
mentioned below, once built a naked statue of my mother
out of mashed potatoes,) is mentioned far too often here.
He isn't Vanilla Ice, Vanilla Ice is Vanilla Ice and he's
also Rob Van Winkle but that's okay because John
Lennon was the Walrus and the Egg Man. What isn't
okay is that he used to be a waitress, and most
importantly, that he stole my gum. I think I'm going to
give him a call today and see if he'll come over and give it
back. Hi, Brandon! I remember you. ***VANILLA
ICE AND KATHIE LEE GIFFORD ARE THE SAME
PERSON!!!***
Wow! Are they really the awesomeist? I bet they're the
neat-oist and the spiffyist and the keenist too! They must
be mega-nifty! Thirteen tons of full-on rad! And you even
mentioned Limp Bizkit, who think they're KoRn but
they're really not because although they may have
mis-spelled the food-related part of their name, they
forgot to put a backwards letter in there. Other than that,
they're pretty much the same. To make Limp Bizkits you
have to buy Limp Bizkwick and mix it with some
buttermilk. I wish I could meet Vanilla Ice! I'd say "Hi
Vanilla Ice!" and then he'd say "Hi Cookie Monster!" and
I'd take off my Cookie Monster mask and he'd realize
that I wasn't really Cookie Monster and then I'd demand
my gum back and then dress him up like M.C. Hammer
and make him say "Prop-a, Prop-a, Prop-a" until he got
it right. I don't know where he keeps my gum...it's
probably in his hair, which is greasy. But as you know, he
-DID- steal my gum. Oh, and he used to be a waitress.
***VANILLA ICE AND LEONARD NIMOY ARE
THE SAME PERSON!!!***
Okay so one time I was kidnapped by ninjas and they gave me a
choice between listening to Marky Mark or having my genitalia
slammed in a car door over and over and over and over. And now
I can't have children!!!
© 1999/2000 Vanilla Ice Stole My Gum