We all know how cool a worm is, right? When ya find a worm, you're like "Wow, a WORM!" And I thought...what if you had FOUR of 'em!?? And what if they were a BAND?!?? Wouldn't that be BITCHIN'?!?!??

In retrospect, this was a stupid idea and I probably should have called the band "Timmy Tampon and the Stringalongs."

Where do you get your ideas/inspiration?

Work, idiots, little things that piss me off, and random shit that moseys through my mind, for the most part. Lots of my songs were written back when I was in school while I was in boring classes. Now, I usually write songs on the toilet. I bring a notebook with me whenever I go to the bathroom at work. People have asked about it...I tell them I'm documenting my fecal output to make sure it accurately reflects what I'm eating.

As far as other artists that have inspired me, there's Atom & His Package, "Weird Al" Yankovic, lots of punk bands (Descendents, All, Screeching Weasel, The Freeze, Bad Religion, NOFX, etc.,) The Bloodhound Gang, KMFDM, Alice Cooper, and the legendary Jim Steinman.

How is work on the re-release of the 'Urine Sampler' coming?

It's almost done. Finishing up the liner notes and shit is bringing back some odd memories. I'm not on good terms with all of my former bandmates, unfortunately.

Tell me about the making of your latest album, Sumophobia."

Yes. I will do this, and I will do it without using verbs. Except that would be stupid.

Many of the songs on "Sumophobia" have actually been written for years, and were originally meant to be performed with a band. But my band fell apart, so I replaced it with software, specifically an Impulse tracker, CoolEdit 2000, and a really cheap digital multi-track recording program. It took me about 5 months to record the whole thing after nearly 4 years of near-total inactivity. It will take you 35 minutes to listen to it.

For the purpose of plugging the album, I am now going to pretend you asked what my favorite tracks on the CD are.

"I Don't Give A Shit About Your Website:" I think this one came out great...it's pretty funny has a reasonably kickass beat to it. It's a techno-geek rant about dumbass aol weenies who put up crappy-ass homepages about every aspect of their boring miserable lives.

"I Bit William Shatner:" This took fucking FOREVER to record. It's 4-part vocal harmony and I did all four parts myself. Considering I can't even carry ONE tune, let alone four, I'm surprised at how well this came out. Every time I see those damned priceline.com ads I lunge at the TV and hurt my teeth.

"Hair On The Soap:" I wrote the lyrics while I was bored and the music while I was pissed, and I was very surprised to find out that they sounded good together. It's about the joys of finding your roommate's curly blonde follicles on your favorite bar of Dial.

"The Most Wonderful Dream:" I don't know WHAT the hell inspired this one...

"Coffee:" My first song about cubicle life. This began as a far more violent song called "Cubi-Kill," and evolved into a joyous celebration of the caffeine addiction I have developed in order to survive working with corporate-ladder-climbing yuppie jerkwads who have nothing to talk about except how their fucking stocks are doing (not that EVERYONE I work with is like this...but there are an awful lot of these weenbags around and some of them really need to have their pocket-PCs jammed up their rectums.) Musically, this is my favorite song on the CD.

"Can of Worms:" The one serious song on the CD. Some people have told me this is their favorite, which surprises me.

Damn, I'm a long-winded bastard.

Any record companies interested in you?

If they are, they're being DAMNED QUIET ABOUT IT!!!!

I haven't really been looking...I felt like doing this thing full-on D.I.Y., so that's what I've been doing. But I suck at promotion, so I'm probably gonna try to find me a small record company.

Isn't Sailor Moon a sexy bitch?

Oh, come ON. She's a DRAWING! She's not real! Anime characters don't do ANYTHING for me, dammit.

Well, except for Pikachu. I'd fuck Pikachu in a second.

Do you think your stuff will ever catch on?

This would be a very frightening world if a band like Worm Quartet could actually "catch on." But I'm hoping to build a bigger fan base.

Do you go on tours?

Not yet...but I'm planning to play out a bit later this summer.

Maybe you can open for Hanson on their "We're Future Washed Up Drug Addicts" tour.

HAHAAA!! I am -SO- looking forward to that "Hanson: Behind The Music" special in 10-20 years!

What do you think of us Juggalos so far?

Most of you smell like strudel for some reason. I can't figure that out.

How hard is it being a one man band?

Hard?!? It's GREAT! I don't have to work around other people's schedules or deal with other people's mistakes or egos or odors. If it's 2 a.m. and I suddenly feel like recording a song about the pope being molested by giant mutant Beanie Babies, I CAN DO IT! And I don't have to throw in a guitar solo that doesn't belong there just to keep my guitar player happy. And best of all... anyone with a band will be able to understand how wonderful this is...MY DRUMMER HAS AN OFF BUTTON!

Granted, there are advantages to working with other people, and I've got a couple of possible guitar players lined up to work with me on some of my new stuff. But at the moment, I'm having a really great time doing this shit myself.

How can you afford to keep your cds at the low, low price of 5.99?

By sacrificing quality, of course!

Seriously, I'm not doing this for money...if I were, I'd be damned disappointed. I just want people to hear my crappy music!! The small amount of money I make from CD sales usually goes toward paying for the CDs I give away to fanzines, radio stations, etc.

You ever just want to say, "fuck it!" and dye your hair blond, smile a lot and learn to dance and call youself Backstreet Sync Quartet?

I'm torn between thwapping you with a salmon or knocking you into a vat of lobster puke.

How much hate mail have you recieved in response to Worm Quartet? How could anyone hate your stuff?

Surprisingly, I have received *NO* hate mail for my Worm Quartet stuff. My guess is that most people that don't like me don't have the intelligence to operate a keyboard.

YES, THAT WAS A CHALLENGE, YOU WQ-HATERS!! BRING IT ON!!

Do you think Vanilla Ice will ever give you your gum back?

I -DO- picture this happening at some point, yes. I have this wonderful mental picture of Vanilla Ice hanging over a cliff, suspended only by his balls, which are attached to a pair of tongs, which are in my hand. I think I could ask him for just about anything in that position...even my gum.

Finally, thanks for joining rydas.com and doing this interview for us!

No, Violent J Da Mack, thank YOU. It's because of spunky young Americans like you that this country yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda sphincter-puppy otterclamp!!! Can I take a dump in your dishwasher?